I've devised the cheapest plan to get the most
for your money at Taco Bell. Just don't blame me if the Taco Bell
Police come after you.
Items needed:
About $2.00,
Ten empty two-liter plastic soda containers
with the screw-on caps,
A funnel,
One empty small Taco Bell drink cup (you can
buy a drink for 79 cents on
your first visit to get one),
Bags to hold all your stuff in,
Plus you should arrive by car, with plenty of
trunk space.
This plan will work better at Taco Bells with
self-service drink dispensers. It may work where they have to
fill the drinks for you to get free refills, but they may start
wondering if you're suffering from some severe illness, for
having a need to drink fifty soft drink servings. No one can be
that thirsty.
What you do is order one 59 cent taco, and a
soft-drink (no ice if you have to request it). Go to a back table
to eat, with your taco, and drink. If you're really hungry, eat
most of the taco, then return it, saying it was bad. Get another
one. Say that one is bad too. Continue until just before they
catch on. Finally, if you're still hungry, ask for a refund and
then buy a replacement bean burrito.
After that, go to the self-service condiment
area (most Taco Bells these days have one) and put all the
napkins, plastic spoons, sugar, taco sauces, straws, and
everything else there, in a bag to take home.
Then, without being noticed, take one of the
plastic soda containers out of your bag, put the funnel in it,
and pour your drink into it. Go back to the self-service
dispenser (or the counter, if you're doing it that way), and get
a refill again (no ice, of course). Keep doing this until the
container is full, and then screw on the cap. You should keep
doing this until all 10 two-liter bottles are full. But just be
sure you don't mix soda flavors/brands up in one container, if
you're trying to get a variety of Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Root Beer,
and so on.
Take all of what you got, and put it in your
car. Go back into the store again, with a couple empty bags. Use
the restroom, and put all the toilet paper and towels in one of
your bags. If you can get into the other restroom (not your sex)
get the stuff out of that one too. You may wonder why do this.
Just check the price of toilet paper these days. Also, while
you're in the bathrooms, drain the soap machine, swipe the light
bulbs, take the toilet seat covers, and stock up on urinal
deodorizers.
By this time, the store personnel should have
re-stocked the condiment area with new napkins, plastic spoons,
sugar, taco sauces, straws, etc., because they thought they just
ran out. So after you leave the restroom, stop by the condiment
area and put all that new stuff in your bags too. After this,
leave the store. In the parking lot, steal the potted plants and
cut all the landscaped flowers. Now get in your car and you may
really have to make a run for the border.
Berton Corson
Humor Written Years Ago For Posting In
alt.food.taco-bell
